Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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