its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
