Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
