we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
