He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
