I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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