so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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