I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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