did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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