apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
