it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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