Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize