Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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