literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize