I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
