If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
