Sry I called you an 8
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
