O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
