Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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