SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drake has all the answers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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