you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A+ Viking dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
