Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
