do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
