the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
