Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my shit smells like andre
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
