Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can you repeat that, but with context?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
