she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
