Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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