No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
