Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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