Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
