This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
