I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
