Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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