I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
