Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
