"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
