So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
