im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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