Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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