Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
