I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
