Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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