I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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