After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
