is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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