Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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