i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
