Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
