good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
