You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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