and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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