It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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