There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
