Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
