Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
