I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
