i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
