Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
