Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
