There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
