if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize