I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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