Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
