If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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