You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
