I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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