I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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